Maskless In Amsterdam

I was staying in the Holiday Inn Express in Amsterdam (long stay) when they changed their policy and asked me to put a mask when entering the building, I said ‘no thanks’. They wrote to me and told me that they understood it was an ‘inconvenience’ but insisted I wore it or would need to leave. Here is my response:

Yes, it has become evident that you or the other staff do not ‘understand’ because you see it as a mere ‘inconvenience’ to wear a mask rather than an enforcement of a policy that is a violation of human rights and risk upon my health without producing any legal or medical documentation to back up your claims.

For the last few days, the phone beside the bed has a constant flashing red light which was a little distracting. I asked you and some other staff how to turn it off but unfortunately, no one knew or made any effort to make it stop. Luckily for me, I am a man of many resources, so I took this matter into my own hands and settled it by putting my hat on top of the flashing light at night-time. Problem solved! This was an ‘inconvenience’, however, what you refer to as a mere ‘inconvenience’ is more of a serious violation of my rights to breathe and enforcement of an Orwellian and nonsensical rule that I have never agreed to. Furthermore, you have repeatedly failed to provide any proof or research that you are relying upon to justify the enforcement of this absurd policy.

You wrote that you ‘really want all guests to wear a facemask in the ‘elevator and lobby area’. I would really like you all to take the masks off, stop participating in fear, and to end world poverty but sadly we don’t always get what we want, do we Rianne?

I shall not be wearing a mask for the following reasons, I’m not celebrating Halloween, Purim, or the Day of the Dead, I’m not sick, I’m not a doctor, a dentist, or a Shaman. I don’t work in a sewer or a morgue. I’m not welding, fencing, or on a motorbike. I’m not in the IRA the KKK or into BDSM (at this moment), I’m not a puppet, a bandit, or a samurai, I’m not in the movie, V for Vendetta or Phantom of the opera, and I’m not Batman, I’m not at the carnival, part of a cult and I’m doing African tribal dance. I’m not Zoro, Mike Myers a Mexican wrestler, I’m not a Venetian a Greek theatrical performer but the main reasons I am not wearing a mask is because it’s not compulsory, there is no law to enforce it, and you have provided no medical proof that it helps or in fact, that it is safe.

It appears you have given me no alternative but to bid you adieu. Alas, our time has come! I shall start to look for more suitable accommodation.

Apart from this ridiculous attempt to enforce a ridiculous policy, I have quite enjoyed myself staying here. Thank you and all the staff for their welcoming smiles, friendly conversation and I genuinely wish you all the best.


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